I didn't know why the hell this topic is still in my draft list. It should be posted around the beginning of the blog.... But like wise people says "There's no such things as Late". So I'll still post this anyway.
Love is the greatest thing that can happened to humans. Have you ever felt really happy, comfortable, and nervous all at the same time? Okay maybe not comfortable if you are nervous, but at least you feel like you want to be around that person at all times...
If your answer is "Yes", then congratulations, you just found somebody that you love.
So, here I want to explain to you how does love works. Have you ever really wonders "Why the hell did I fall in Love with that person?". "What makes me love him/her?".. To me, the answer is because they are able to make you felt these 2 elements together, "Attraction" and "Comfort". Both of these element is really essential for the love to works.
Missing any of these elements, then you will get a free ticket to the "Friendzone"... However, "friendzone" itself is not a bad things as long as you know how to comeback and it will be explained somewhere in the next next post
Attraction
What is attraction got to do with love? Attraction is like a "spark". Something like a magnet that make you feel you want to meet that person. Reason?? Because they are attractive. This meant that they are beautiful or they have this "special traits" that you are looking for. Let's say a celebrity,, she have a very cute face and a beautiful voice. And you really attracted to this person. Will you want to meet them? Fuck Yea!! Why? Because they are attractive.
So to conclude it, attraction is like the spark that make you want to meet this person again. Some of you might be good at sparking attraction because you are funny or because you are handsome or whatever. Then it is cool. You have it naturally. But some of you does not. That's okay because I will break it down on how to spark attraction.
Comfort
Does any of you have somebody that always listen to you whenever you want to share something? You feel sad and that person is always listening to your problem... How does it feels? Comfortable. It just feels that you can talk about anything to that person and vice versa.
Comfort is an important element in love because it makes you and your partner felt "warm" with each other. Love is made not only for having sex or fun, but also for sharing. The warm feeling that you felt when you are with this person is the best thing ever. And I would says Comfort plays the biggest role in Love. Without comfort, there's no way in hell that people would want to be near you. Sure you might be attractive, but if you can't makes a person that you want to be comfortable with you,, there's just no way they would fall in love with you (Unless The God of Luck is in your side). At least, without attraction but lots of comfort, you guys might still be friends. Rather than lots of attraction but without comfort, which might lead you only to acquaintances .
Hey guys, today I'm gonna talk to you about Personality. This topic actually should come first as a foundation for your inner personality. Why? Because by knowing your personality you will know how to handle yourself. You yourself should know what are your strengths and your weakness and work on this...
In terms of Skyrim, it's like you have a talent to assassinate using a bow. Instead of doing "Arrow to the Knee" which sounds not that cool, you wanna do "Axe to the head" because you saw other people using a BAD ASS AXE, you start to copy them in using axe. Now what is gonna happened here? You, as the main character are going to be FUCKED UP-SIDE DOWN... Reason? Simple, you try to do something that is not meant from your specialty.
Now I'm NOT saying you should not try something new. Instead try something new, if it doesn't work, leave it and try something new again. Until you find what suit you best. Still, it is better to knew what you good at from the beginning and work from there. It gives more time for you to improves on what you good at rather than start a "new game" from the beginning.
Okay, now on to the main topic
Before that, I strongly suggest that you read a book called "Personality Plus" by Florence Litauer. Here you will learn a LOT of important things about personality. Start from how people perceive things differently, how people react to certain things, and many more. Now for those of you who are lazy to read the book, that's okay because me the nice will tell you the basic of it. In this book, you will find out that humans are unique individuals. They all have different personality. However, out of all those differences, they can actually be put in groups.
This group divide the 4 personality. They are :
- Sanguine
- Choleric
- Melancholy
- Phlegmatic
The question is, what the fuck does the personalities mean?
Sanguine
People with Sanguine personality generally are a popular peoples. I'm very sure that all of you ever met this person. They are the one that are popular in the class. Like they are able to make people to like them. Talking is their plus point. They are able to communicate effectively and generally bring a positive energy around. So, if you are a sanguine people, it is really easy for you to actually get a "special person" because people like to be with a person that are humorous and able to gives out positive energy. Common sense yeah
The downside are Sanguine person does not has a stable emotion. They can be crying on the morning, but happy as fuck in the afternoon. They also talk without think. Whatever comes out in their brain, they will blurt it out without knowing if it's even safe to said. Thus some people might be offended by this
Choleric
Choleric people have a leadership spirit within them. They are born as leader and have a strong charisma. One of their special traits is that they are decisive. You won't see a choleric person say "Up to you...". Born leader also means that they are extrovert, which means they are able to express their feeling. Another good things about choleric people, is that they are optimist. Now a man with choleric personality also can be considered easy to find a girlfriend. However, a choleric women might find it hard to find a boyfriend. This is because women like to be lead. And the choleric man just provided this to the woman.
The downsides are often, choleric people don't have much friends. They thought that friends that are useless are just a hindrance for their goals. Carried it to the extreme, and they will labeled as "bossy"
Melancholy
Now we are going to the bottom of the totem pole in general. Melancholy IS NOT necessary at the bottom of the totem pole. I repeat, MELANCHOLY IS NOT THE BOTTOM OF TOTEM POLE. However it is the society that make this rule that melancholy is at the bottom of the totem pole. Melancholy is generally a person that like to think a lot. They think because they want to achieve a perfection. Which means, everything that they do must be perfect. And if they fail to achieve it, they got depressed. But the good thing is melancholy people usually are very smart and they want to achieve perfection.
One of the reason that they are at the bottom of the totem pole is because they are introvert. Which means that they prefer to work alone. Now this is completely fine. However, society thinks that if you are introvert then you are shy. Which i would say BULLSHIT. Shy by itself is scared of other people judgement. T
Phlegmatic
Similar with Melancholy, phlegmatic often considered as the bottom of the totem pole by society because of the same reason. I would have to say Fuck that again. Phlegmatic is an introverted, and observatory people in general. And again, society thought that this is a shy behavior and place it at the bottom of the pole. That's why I say "FUCK YOU SOCIETY FOR CREATING THIS RULE" The good thing about phlegmatic is that they are calm, easygoing, and able to take pressure.
Best is some of phlegmatic person is all rounded. So they can have all personality inside them, though it will not be obvious.
Okay above, I have listed the personality type. Which one are yours?
Now if you have found it, DO NOT be embarrassed about it. Instead embrace it proudly...
First, I want to share my experience with all of you. I was born as a phlegmatic person. So what does that means? It means that I am an introverted, silent, and a lazy ass guy. My father is a melancholy and my mother is a choleric. So what happened here is that my mother always force me to be a leader and an extroverted guy. She always say" SPEAK SPEAK SPEAK" because I don't really talk a lot. Continuously, I became to see that every body should be a leader and a good person to talk with. For a long time, I started to behave like a sanguine and a choleric. I try to act funny, which in turn out to be goofy and dumb. I try to act like a leader but in the end, it looks more like a scaredy cat leader.
"Why is this happening" I thought. Am I a FAIL person? I can't be direct and I can't be a funny and fun to be with...
It is because of my REAL INNER personality is a phlegmatic. Phlegmatic have a "dry joke". So if I force myself to be like a sanguine which has a "Good Joke", it will looks really weird. That is why all the girls I've tried to date with from Junior High School reject me. Why? because they can tell that I'm FAKING.
Soon after that, I just realized that I should be myself to the extreme, which I posted it before. I accept my weakness that I'm a silent,lazy, and a dry humor guy. But I also accept my strength that I am an easy going, patience, and calm guy. I start to work from my weakness and did everything from http://orangepua.blogspot.sg/2012/08/be-your-self-to-extreme.html. Eventually, I get better at handling myself. For example, I have a dry humor up till now and when I say it, people will say I'am a retard. Now the me from before will be like depressed and "Fuck my humor is dry".. But now, I will still be confident about it... I will say whatever humor that I think is funny without think whether is it really funny. In the end, happiness is contagious. So if I laugh and happy with my own dry humor, people around me will laugh too.
Okay, the thing that I want to say is that, Be happy with what you have and work on your strength. You don't have to be jealous of what you don't have. Because we are unique and we have our own strength and weakness. That is why being yourself to the extreme is really really attractive. Heck, even being yourself itself is attractive. So don't try to be somebody that you are not to.
Welcome back to Part 2 of My Turning Point... Part 1 explains my journey from Mr.Introvert Guy to be a better person. However, better person does not means able to get girls to like you. So here in Part 2, I will explain how my success with women can be achievable by a lot of ordinary person with the background from my experience...
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| SashaPUA |
After the end of Part 1, I kept thinking of how to move the conversation forward. I browse a lot of video in Youtube, until I found an awesome guy, called "Sasha" did the approach. He is a VERY FUNNY guy and is able to make the conversation forward. Not because he is funny, but because he display his intentions to the girl. This is important because it let the girls know that you approached them because you wants to get to know her. So, when he asked boring questions like "What do you do for fun", the girls know that he asked that so that he will know her better, and thus make the girls answer it.
After getting the knowledge of Direct Game, I try it out immediately in the next day. I still remember my first target was a girl from my campus ground. She was walking alone with quite a speedy pace. I try to walk fast but damn, this girl can really walk fast... I decided to jog a little to catch up with her. My heart really beat as fast as it can while I was jogging towards her. I reached her and jumped in front of her.
"Hiiii! Don't panic, Don't take it the wrong way, I'm not crazy or anything, but I think I'm fallen in love with you"
"What?! Are you serious?", the girl replied confusedly.
"Yea", I was really nervous and do not know what to say.
"So, uh, where are you going?", I tried to struggle the conversation.
"Home", she replied
"Uh.. okay, have a nice day", I ended it..
That was my first ever direct opener. It really causes your heart to beat very fast, as if you are chased by a bear. The good thing is, I realize it is not that hard to open directly.
After this incident, I kept watching Sasha's video on Youtube and learn a lot from him (I fucking love him (no homo)). However, I realize I'm not really like him. He is a very high energetic guy and funny, while I don't have a high energy and not funny. So simply copying him is not going to work for me, because it does not match my personality. After browsing in a lot of dating forum, I realize that you don't have to be funny to get a girl. Simply just being yourself will do. BUT, not just the normal be yourself. I will explain it more in another post about being yourself..
Start from this day, I tried to approach girls more and more. I even have a team now in Singapore, and yes comparing me now and when I was in my past is like Sky and Earth (That's exaggerating a little bit), but the point is after so many try on approaching woman, I felt MUCH MUCH different than my old self.
I'm able to be much more confident, especially when talking to girls.
Dating a hot girls you can find in the street is not a dream anymore and I have proved it myself, through instant dates.
Well, that is all I want to share about my turning point. It's not that hard, it does not consume any money or whatsoever. All you need is a willpower, determination and practice. Get out from your comfort zone and you can do the same or even better than what I could.
Nobody in this world is born perfect... Agree?? But everybody in this world can become a better person. The question is HOW?
Well the easiest things that I had tried and WORKS is by reading books.
Books here do not mean comic books or chemistry book or those kind of books.
Books in here mean self development books.
First of all, why do I even touch books in a first place? Books are gross. The story starts when I literaly fallen in love with this girl that I told in previous post, "C". She was introduced to me by my Father. I felt in love with her so much that it driven me crazy. I didn't have any chance with her because of my personality. I was so desperate that I browsed the internet and accidentally meet somebody that pulls me out of this darkness. His name is Even Alex Chandra. Through his post, I saw a lot of similarity between me and his past's life. And the way he dealt with it is by reading books. So from here, my journey begin.
Well, I want to share to you guys how me, Mr. Introvert Guy able to become a better person by reading books. I agree with the lots of you that book sucks like hell... Its boring, troublesome, makes your eyes hurt, and whatever bad things you can think about. However, thanks to that I'm able to become a better person.
The story starts when my room mate bought a book for his english study. He bought a book "The 7 Habit of Highly Effective Teens" by Sean Covey. At first, the reason I read that book was because I want to get more friends. As I mentioned in "My Past", I'm not able to make friends with people in general because of my introvert personality. I start reading it bit by bit, lazy but I had no choice. As I was reading it, the words inside the book struck like "an arrow to the heart"... It really hits the point that I have been doing so far. It's really a long thing if I have to explain it one by one, but long story short after I read that book, I felt that I become a better person. NOT MUCH, but I can feel the difference.
After that I started to read more books, like "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnergie. Again, it really gave me a lot of information on how to deal with people. I became an even better person, NOT MUCH, but still I can felt the improvement in my personality inside. Start from this point I'm able to deal with more person, from the one that give me a headache until the one that I really like.
However, I realize something that is still missing... Yes, I'm able to become a better person, but why I cannot get somebody that I like to loves me? My face is average , the way I groomed is normal like people in general, but WHY can't I get somebody that I like to love me?! I contacted my master, Even Alex Chandra, asking for help.
He recommend me to read a book called "The Game" by Neil Strauss.. This is where I got a lot of information about dating... The book tells a lot of information that sounds impractical in real life BUT actually is practicable...
Still haunted by my doubt I just kept on reading dating books by dating books. I read "Magic Bullet" by Nick Savoy. "The Love System" by Savoy, etc... So I become a bookworm of dating book. After 3 months of reading the same book over and over again, I decided to try it myself...
I join a retreat camp. I tried all the line that was written from the book. Result? It was a success. But on the 2nd day, I'm out of line, so I'm back to my real personality. I became a sitting duck throughout the camp and very submissive. When a girl looked at me in the eye, all I could do was looking down (what a loser). In the end I didn't get any girl's number.
In this desperation, again I contacted Even. He said "It all due to your personality". I was like "Fucked, what have I been doing this past 3 months?"
"I read a lot of self development and dating books, but this is what I get?"
It is said that when man faced his greatest depression, a great power will come within (This is non-sense btw, I created it myself)
Anyway, I thought "If I kept being like this, I won't get a girlfriend. I have to take action!" So I tried what's written in "The Game".
I went to approach a girls in my campus ground. My first ever approach in my entire life.. I saw a cute girl walking in a group of 3, so I approached them while I was nervous like HELL...
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| Neil Strauss |
"Excuse me, I need a girls opinion and it will only take a minute".
The girls was just stared at me laughing...
"My friend was fighting with his girlfriend because the girlfriend found a box inside his room and the box contained a picture of him and his Ex-GF... What do you guys thinks of that?"
"Ohhh... your friend's GF is just jealous"
"Now his GF forced him to burn the box or else she's going to leave him... Is that a normal girl behavior?"
"Nahhh, I think your friend's GF just jealous"
"Ohh okay, thanks anyway"
And that's how my first approach ended... I went back home and thought, how the fuck am I supposed to continue the conversation.
Welcome back to Part 2 of my past life... Hope you guys enjoy my first part, And who had life worse than what I had in first part of my past??? Leave your answer in the comment section bellow!!! Anyway, let's continue talk about Mr.Introvert Guy
High School
People say high school is the best part of your life that you will ever had... And yes, it is true for most people, but also true for Mr.Introvert Guy...for the first 6 months at least....
My high school life is full of GAME since we have to bring laptop to school. Everyday, me and my friends will always play DOTA or Counter Strike in class. Pretty good life for me but sadly it is not for my love life. During high school I felt in love with 3 girls. Let's talk about the first girls. Her name is "Y"... I saw her during the school orientation and GUESS WHAT?! YES, you guys guess it correct again. COOL GUY... Not talking to her, and when I enter my first day of Senior High, she was taken by my friends *SELF FIVE*... Oh well, back to playing DOTA then.
Second girl I felt in love with, her name is "B"... I had a discussion with my friends about B, whether is she pretty or not. Most of my friends said "Nah, She's not that hot" and me said something like "Yea dude, she's not that hot", even though I felt in love with her. I thought that if I would make a move on B, my friend will mock me, so, oh well, back to playing DOTA then while I kept looking at B while playing HAHAHAHA. Eventually, the feeling towards her wore off
Last girl I felt in love with in my first year of high school,,, her name is "G" and she was my sister's best friends. I was like "Holy Shit, how do I get close to her?!" I'am not close to my sister when I was in High School because of my introvert personality... So, my last resort was to discuss it with my friends. All my friends said "Ask your sister, asshole" and I was like "but, what if..." and I can provide 1,001 reasons not to ask my sister. So, its the end, I didn't talk to G at all until I moved to Singapore. Yeaaa, you guys heard it right, I'm moving to Singapore on December 2008.
Singapore Life
Here in Singapore, I felt really awkward, since it was my first time studying in other people's country. I enter my school and damn, all are Singaporean (DUH!!!) and my English was so bad last time. I make quite a decent friend in here btw... with all the gamers HAHAHA. Moreover, my introvert level reach 100%. I hate everybody except for my close friends. These, includes my family, all other Singaporean people, and basically every people.
I felt in love with one girl from my Secondary School in Singapore, her name is "X" and she is from China. Guess what move did i do? YESSS, You guess it right again... COOL GUY... I did not talk to her at all because all my friends said "She is not cute". What I could do was to steal a glance from her. Yup, sucks to be me...
Anyway, after 1 year of suffering by not talking to her, I move my living place to another house .... So, in this new place, I met a girl called "S", she was 3 years older than me and I felt in love with her. Guess what did I again? YESSS, you are right. COOL GUY... BUT, this time the cool guy was working actually. She talked to me... and after 3 months, I finally had a GIRLFRIEND... Yes, you heard it right, Mr.Introvert Guy finally had a girlfriend... During this period , I acted like I'am the girl and she is the boys. I'am getting lead in every thing but I still like her. I didn't feel really comfortable anymore because of her attitude, but I don't have a choice. This condition is called as "one-its", it's where you cannot live a life without her and thinks that she is the one and only choice available.
Long Story short after about 8 months of relationship, I break up with her because I could not take it anymore from her. However, start from this point, I'am not that introvert anymore, maybe 20% introvert. My relation with family is getting better, I don't hate people as much as I did last time, and my pimple is okay now HAHAHA
Family Life
Okay, this is the last part of my past... Basically it is what happened inside my family regarding my love life. My mother has a Best friend. And her best friend has a daughter and my mother plan to make me fall in love with her best friend daughter... Do you guys understand this? Read it again if you don't understand LOL ( It feels like my life is in a fucking drama show )... So they planned to meet me and her daughter, her name is "N". So we met, and shit, I really fall in love with her HAHAHA. But, as usual, cool guy is coming up. Did not get much interaction, except for boring conversation like "Which school did you go to?". But my mother does not stop there, even until NOW (when I write this post, she still insist me to be together with her).
From my father, its the same too. Except that he is less persistent that my mother. The girl that he introduced me to is called "C" and about the same age as me, except she lives in a different country than mine. I was totally in love with her and I think I'am gonna die if I don't even text her for 1 day. However, I guess my feeling is not reciprocated, so I give up on her and this is where I learn about "The Game"
So, my status up to this point is :
- Low self confidence
- Have a lot of friends, only as an acquaintances
- Always try to make other people happy
- Join a lot of activity for the sake that people will like me
- Sucks at talking to girl
- Not being myself
So, I wanna share a little about my past. Maybe you guys will be like "WHO THE FUCK CARES BOUT YOUR LITTLE PAST??!" but I say "FUCK YOU" (LOL)... Nah, the reason I want to show you guys is because I want to let you know that anybody can do what I did know and still be successful with women....
Childhood
So I live my childhood in Indonesia, in a GREAT family ( I love my family),,, I was a "bad boy" when I was 6 - 12 yrs old... Bad boy doesn't mean smoking or gangster fight,,, more towards rebel against teacher, made a girl cry, and so forth. It's nice to be a bad boy, because you feel that nothing can stop you. But, only one person that can stop me, my Mother... So every time I did something stupid like touching things in the mall, she will whacked me. The reason being my family is a high status family around my area. So they wanted me to behave like an educated kids. I have to talk properly, I can't say anything stupid in front of others (especially their friends), I have to had a plan in life, and all those things you could find in a Korean Drama's young master. So eventually, this make me become the nice boy that obey everything. As a reward, I become introvert . Introvert is a condition where you can't express yourself to other people and only open towards people that you know well...
Junior High - Senior High
During the orientation of junior high, I saw this one girl, lets just call her "S". Yup, you guys guess it right, I felt in love with S. More like love at first sight. However, I still don't know her, so I act like a "cool guy" by not talking to her ( you know cool guy in those korean drama where the boy just keep quiet like a dumb fuck and for some magical reason the girl will talk to the boy)... Anyway, thats the end of my Junior's Orientation
When I reach a junior high, the girl that I felt in love with, "S", was in the same class as me, YYAAYY!!!.. But still, I act as a cool guy to all the girls and act like a "bad boy" to the boys. One day, there was this event, that S wanted to sit next to me and I was like "oh...." verbally on the outside. But inside, I was like "HELL YEAH BITCHES"... So the next morning, she sat next to me, and guess what did I do as a cool fuck guy!!! Yup you guys are correct, I didn't talk to her AT ALL. I was hoping that she will talk to me but sadly it only happens in Korean drama. So, there was this awkward silence between us for the whole day and even week ... Eventually she wanted to move to other sitting T_T,,, of course she will, who the fuck want to sit to a guy that can't talk at all... So, heart broken all over me but lives goes on.
Second year of junior high, I felt in love with another girl,,, let's just called her "A"... But this time, I act a little bit "uncool". Talk a little bit with her, but cool guy personality is still deep inside me LOL... Anyway, I can tell that she was into me too, but I didn't confess to her. WHY?! because I act like a cool guy, hoping that the girl will confess to me. And guess what I get, an ill feeling from her. She didn't talk to me anymore until our Junior High School end, YAY for me...
Last Year of Junior High, my Introvert attitude reach 85% of Max. I got a lot of pimples in my face and my friend mocked me a lot, I become a bookworm in the class, play game like a hardcore, don't have many friends in school (except for my best friends), and my relations between me and my family is like SHIT. What a life isn't it *SELF FIVE*... All this things stack inside of me and I release it in form of playing game. So my life would be like Morning to evening go to school to study and evening till sleeping time will be used to play PS2 game HAHAHA. So, say Hi to the Mr. Introvert Guy
I didn't know why the hell this topic is still in my draft list. It should be posted around the beginning of the blog.... But like wise people says "There's no such things as Late". So I'll still post this anyway.
What is attraction got to do with love? Attraction is like a "spark". Something like a magnet that make you feel you want to meet that person. Reason?? Because they are attractive. This meant that they are beautiful or they have this "special traits" that you are looking for. Let's say a celebrity,, she have a very cute face and a beautiful voice. And you really attracted to this person. Will you want to meet them? Fuck Yea!! Why? Because they are attractive.
