How to Break Awkward Silences?

Last post, we talked about 2 different silences, the comfortable silence and the awkward silence. Obviously if you have the comfortable silence, then it's good. But, if you have the awkward silence, it's like having a time bomb sitting next to you. That if you don't diffuse it fast enough, it will go BOOM!! Today's post will explain how to diffuse that time bomb A.K.A the awkward silence

Don't Try Too Hard

What does this mean is that, if you are stuck with the topic or you can't think of any other topic, then don't try too hard to create another topic. Scientifically, if you think too hard, your brain will not be able to think properly. Have you ever relaxed in your room or when you take a shower? If you had, I'm sure that you notice that you will start to get a lot of ideas.. You will start to get ideas that normally you won't think about. So the next time you are having conversation, remember to relax and don't try too hard.. Your brain soon will get a new topic conversation for you to start.

Ask Open Ended Question

Open Ended questions are the way to start a conversation going on. It is good because she can't just simply answer it with a "yes" or "no". One good example of open ended question is "Tell me something special about yourself". It's simple and light. It does not need a bachelor degree to answer and generally people like to talk about them self. So, it's like killing two birds with a stone. You don't get the awkward silence and she will think of you as a good conversationalist.

Make Her Participate
If you ever see a public speaker speaking, they always do something that make the audiences to respond. Such as "Who would like to volunteer to come over here?". It makes the audiences feel that they are participating in the event and it kills the boredom of just listening into the speaker. Now obviously you can't say "Who would like to volunteer?" to her.
If you do, then .... no comments. Instead you can do like this

You : So you see, on my way here, I saw this bitch fighting over a dude.
Now instead you keep on blabbering how they fight, you can ask her to participate by
You : What do you think of those bitch?

She will be more than happy to answer your questions. And it add value to the conversation

Utilize Her Answer
When a woman talk about something, they always give informations within her sentence. And you can use this information to create another conversation that you can use. 

Example

Her : You know, I really like to eat a beef steak in Tony Roma's
There are a few points that you can use to your advantage over here. "Eat", "Beef", "Steak", "Tony Roma's".

You : Okay, high five. We should go to eat a beef steak sometimes this week. 
Her : Oh okay, but I'm not free this weekend though
You : Let me guess, you are going to study this weekend
Her : No, I'll dye my hair this weekend
You : But your hair right now is really nice (flirt)
Her : No, I would like my hair color to be red
You : Why do you like red? or You like red don't you?
Her : Red is bla bla bla

You see, from beef steak, it actually can lead to another conversation's topic. This is because women always hid a piece of information within her sentences. Therefore, it is your job to pull this informations away from the sentences and use it to your advantage. She will be really happy if you are able to notice the small things that you notice about her.

Silences

You are talking to this person that you like. You both enjoy it, but you ran out of things to say. Familiar with that? And there was this "silence" going on. You panicked and screwed things up.

So I'm here to help you break this silence. But before that, I wanna tell you that there are 2 types of silence.
Comfortable silence and Awkward silence.

Comfortable silence
This is they type of silence that you actually want it. The silence of passion. If you watched romantic movies, where the actor and actress are going for the kiss, they had this silence before they kiss. It is a type of silence that actually shows that you are comfortable with the silences. And by being comfortable with the silences, it actually build a sexual tension. Sexual tension is some force of nature that make your heart beats really fast because you know you are going somewhere with the girl. It's really hard to explain by words but if you watch some romantic movies, you should be able to feel the tension that the actor and actress have before they are going for the kiss.

Awkward silence
On the other hand, there is this "Awkward" silence. This is the silence that will FUCKED your time with her. You are talking to this girl, the conversations getting nowhere. You tried to think as many conversations topics as you can, you blurted out the wrong things, and this silence came.

Example,
Guy : Uhhh so how was your day?
Girl : Yeah it was good, I was bla bla bla (While the guy is thinking about another conversation topic)
Guy : Ohhh cool, cool. So let's eat. What do you like for dinner?
Girl : Up to you hahaha (While the guy is thinking about another conversation topic)
Guy : Up to you too hahahaha. Oh that is a good store you wanna come inside?
Girl : No it's not that good
Guy : Yeah true, true, it was not that good.

And the conversations here is not getting anywhere and the dreaded silence came. You ran out of things to say and she doesn't feel comfortable.

Girl : Let's go home, I'm tired
Guy : Yeah sure sure. T_T

The conversation above showed that the girl is actually not comfortable with the guy. And she said "let's go home" but subconsciously she is saying "This is Awkward". And by agreeing with what the girl said, the guy subconsciously saying "Yesss, this is Awkward"

Why Am I Single?!

This is the topic that inspired to me by a lot of people from a lot of forums. I saw that some of them posted a question like "Why Am I Single?". And thus I'm inspired to make this topic in order to clears their doubt.

So the case is "I have money, I have a good body, I'm smart in my class, and every other positive things.... BUT why I'm single?"... And to answer that question, it comes down to your inner personality.

Not Being Comfortable
I do have a friend, he is quite handsome and tall. He is fashionable but the thing is, he is SINGLE. I wondered why. And to my surprise, he is actually has a low self esteem. He doesn't have confidence in himself, and the worst part is that he is insecure. He used to think "Damn, my hair is a mess, what if a girl see me in this condition?", even though his hair was actually fine. And when he talk to a girl, he is too self conscious on what's happening on him. He will tell me later "Fuck, I screwed up... I can see that she doesn't like me" or any other bullshit.

Now what does this tells you? He is not comfortable being himself. He wished that he could be more handsome so that girls will admired him. And when he thought that while talking to a girl, girl can sense it immediately. "This guy is nervous, why?" And this made the girl nervous too and therefore she won't feel comfortable and therefore she is not gonna date you.

Give Away All Your Power
This is the worst and most often mistakes that people did all the time. They want to make their future partner happy, therefore they give away all their power. Confusing?
Example,

Girl said "Hmm I wish I can eat a curry rice..."
Guy said "Ok wait 30 minutes"
And to surprise the girl, the guy will bring a curry rice imported from India and bring it to the front door of her house with extra rose.
Is this a gentleman things to do?
Yes!
Is this good for her impression?
Yes! .... only in Korean Drama!... The real life doesn't work like that.

Do this in real life and she will think of you as creepy and convenience. That is why "nice guy" always stuck at the friendzone because of this very reason. He treats girl like a goddess descend from the heaven. They write poem to them everyday, thinking that the girl's heart will surely melt because of his doing. But in reallity, it's counter productive because the girl will think you are creepy!

This thing will only make her felt convenience to be with you. She doesn't need to do anything to get something from you. Just say the word, and everything will be given to her. The guy doesn't felt like a challange at all...

So to close it, the reasons you are single even though you have wealth, fame, etc is because
1. You are not comfortable with your own skin
2. You give away all your power easily

A good example is actually has been there around you all the time.
Have you ever see a below average faced guy dating a Hot Tall Woman?

He doesn't get that hot tall woman because he is rich or because he is famous or because he hypnotized the girl. He get it because he is fucking comfortable with his own skin. He doesn't give all his power easily. He makes sure that if the girl did something for him, he can give his power in return.
In case of the above, the guy can actually said "Sure, I'll bring you a curry rice.... only if you make-out with me!"
To said the above word, you have to be comfortable with yourself first. And it let the girl know that she has to do something for you first in order to get your power.

Drop Your Ego

Does anybody know what does "Ego" means?

Ego in English Dictionary means "Identity". It is how people perceive you as a person. Rich people or Famous people said to have a big ego. Which means that they don't want to be seen as a "dumb" or "loser" or whatever that is bad. Why? Because they don't want their names to be ruined.

Now why do I said to drop your ego? If you are a person that have everything in your life and you are happy with it, then fine, keep your ego high, nobody cares about it anyway. But if you are not happy with your life, especially Love Life, then drop your ego!

Here's an example

You don't have any girlfriend and you are a student or a working adult. You saw this girl in the supermarket and she looks like the perfect girl for you. And the thought of "I wanna get to know her" pops up in your mind. If you don't drop your ego, you will think something like "Ohhh shit! I wanna get to know her But, there are so many people in the supermarket. What IF I was seen by my classmates? What IF the girl rejects me and people laugh at me?"

In the end, what did you get?
You get to masturbate thinking about her. Congrats!!!!

If you drop your ego and try to talk to the girl, you will have a chance to know her. Even if it's only 1%, isn't that worth it to drop your ego and talk to this girl?
What are the worst things that actually could happens?

1. She said "No thank you", you walk away and life goes on

2. You were seen by people but, they won't give a fuck about you

3. People laugh at you, but you are not gonna stick with them anyway

4. If a friend saw you, they will think you are a baws 

To be honest, what you need is only a single person that can accept you for who you are. Let's say you have 1% chance to success if you talk to a random cute girls. Mathematically, if you talk to 100 of girls, 1 of them is bound to like you for who you are. The question is, is that worth it?
You get rejected by 99 girls, but 1 out of  the 100 girls will totally love you for who you are.
Isn't that worth it to drop your ego and get rejected 99 times?

I'm not saying you should get rejected 99 times. What I'm saying is drop your ego and talk to the girls that you really like. Sooner or later you will find that perfect girl that loves you for who you are

Be Direct !!!

Time for the weekly updates!!! Today, I'm gonna talk about being Direct!
Being direct means Displaying Intention Clearly.
Let's take an example of you want to get to know this person.
By being direct you will be like "Heyyy, so I wanna get to know you!"

Now a lot of people questioned "Why should I be direct?", "Isn't that embarrassing?", and whatever you can think of. Now there are a lot of points on "Why should I be direct", and they are





Clear Doubts

The good things about being direct is that it clear your target's doubt.
Let's say you are in a class, and you see your "perfect target" and you wanna get to know him/her. The average joe will be like just sit at the corner, pretend they are like the coolest person on earth by being silent and not talking to anybody. And in the end, that average joe didn't get a chance at all to talk to his/her target.

The second case is the same as the above, but this time Mr.Joe try to sit next to her. And he's not being direct because he doesn't know what to say and he's trying to diffuse the awkwardness.
So he said something like "Umm... hey, can I borrow your pencil?".
She might give you the pencil but she will most likely thinks something like "What the Fuck does this guy needs a pencil for?"
In the end, she gave the pencil but that's it, because Mr.Joe comes from a place where he is not genuine about communication. Maybe he can still get close to his target, but it will take some times before his target genuinely wants to know him.

Last case, is still the same as above, but this time instead of asking "Can I borrow your pencil?" which is LAME, he is being direct by saying "Actually this is not my favorite chair, but you look really nice, so I gotta sit here to get to know you." You might think this is awkward at the first time, but Girls especially, like this. Furthermore, it clears her doubt of "Why the fuck does this guy sit next to me out of all the empty chair out there?"
She knows that you sit here so you can get to know her, so you can start genuine conversation directly. You can start by "What do you do for fun?" without her thinking "Why does he want to know that?"


Like a Baws
When you do direct, all girls will love it. Why? Because in their psychology, girls want to meet the "alpha male". A male that is confident and able to protect them. When you do direct, it shows to them that you are confident, you don't care what other people think of you, and you go for what you want. Therefore this traits are attractive to them. 



                                                                          Save Time

The most important point I would say. When you go direct, some girls will like you and some are just don't. Now think about it like this, let's say you go indirect, ask for "Can I borrow your pencil" or whatever topic you can think of. And you talk for 15 minutes, and after 15 minutes, you finally display your intention to her. You like her and you had to meet her. In the end she said something like "Ohhhh but I have a boyfriend.". How does it feels? Fuck... You talk with her for 15 minutes and in the end you get "I have a boyfriend" response.

Now think if you are going direct. You tell her your intention at the very first second you meet her. She gives you the "I have a boyfriend" response. So what now? You just have to walk away knowing that she is taken. Save 15 minutes of your life. And in that 15 minutes, you can actually meet maybe 2 - 3 more girls.

The Formula of LOVE

I didn't know why the hell this topic is still in my draft list. It should be posted around the beginning of the blog.... But like wise people says "There's no such things as Late". So I'll still post this anyway.

Love is the greatest thing that can happened to humans. Have you ever felt really happy, comfortable, and nervous all at the same time? Okay maybe not comfortable if you are nervous, but at least you feel like you want to be around that person at all times...
If your answer is "Yes", then congratulations, you just found somebody that you love.

So, here I want to explain to you how does love works. Have you ever really wonders "Why the hell did I fall in Love with that person?". "What makes me love him/her?".. To me, the answer is because they are able to make you felt these 2 elements together, "Attraction" and "Comfort". Both of these element is really essential for the love to works.

Missing any of these elements, then you will get a free ticket to the "Friendzone"... However, "friendzone" itself is not a bad things as long as you know how to comeback and it will be explained somewhere in the next next post

Attraction
What is attraction got to do with love? Attraction is like a "spark". Something like a magnet that make you feel you want to meet that person. Reason?? Because they are attractive. This meant that they are beautiful or they have this "special traits" that you are looking for. Let's say a celebrity,, she have a very cute face and a beautiful voice. And you really attracted to this person. Will you want to meet them? Fuck Yea!! Why? Because they are attractive.

So to conclude it, attraction is like the spark that make you want to meet this person again. Some of you might be good at sparking attraction because you are funny or because you are handsome or whatever. Then it is cool. You have it naturally. But some of you does not. That's okay because I will break it down on how to spark attraction.




Comfort

Does any of you have somebody that always listen to you whenever you want to share something? You feel sad and that person is always listening to your problem... How does it feels? Comfortable. It just feels that you can talk about anything to that person and vice versa.

Comfort is an important element in love because it makes you and your partner felt "warm" with each other. Love is made not only for having sex or fun, but also for sharing. The warm feeling that you felt when you are with this person is the best thing ever. And I would says Comfort plays the biggest role in Love. Without comfort, there's no way in hell that people would want to be near you. Sure you might be attractive, but if you can't makes a person that you want to be comfortable with you,, there's just no way they would fall in love with you (Unless The God of Luck is in your side). At least, without attraction but lots of comfort, you guys might still be friends. Rather than lots of attraction but without comfort, which might lead you only to acquaintances .

Know Your Personality

Hey guys, today I'm gonna talk to you about Personality. This topic actually should come first as a foundation for your inner personality. Why? Because by knowing your personality you will know how to handle yourself. You yourself should know what are your strengths and your weakness and work on this...

In terms of Skyrim, it's like you have a talent to assassinate using a bow. Instead of doing "Arrow to the Knee" which sounds not that cool, you wanna do "Axe to the head" because you saw other people using a BAD ASS AXE, you start to copy them in using axe. Now what is gonna happened here? You, as the main character are going to be FUCKED UP-SIDE DOWN... Reason? Simple, you try to do something that is not meant from your specialty.

Now I'm NOT saying you should not try something new. Instead try something new, if it doesn't work, leave it and try something new again. Until you find what suit you best. Still, it is better to knew what you good at from the beginning and work from there. It gives more time for you to improves on what you good at rather than start a "new game" from the beginning.


    

Okay, now on to the main topic

Before that, I strongly suggest that you read a book called "Personality Plus" by Florence Litauer. Here you will learn a LOT of important things about personality. Start from how people perceive things differently, how people react to certain things, and many more. Now for those of you who are lazy to read the book, that's okay because me the nice will tell you the basic of it. In this book, you will find out that humans are unique individuals. They all have different personality. However, out of all those differences, they can actually be put in groups.

 This group divide the 4 personality. They are :
-  Sanguine
-  Choleric
-  Melancholy
-  Phlegmatic
The question is, what the fuck does the personalities mean?


Sanguine

People with Sanguine personality generally are a popular peoples. I'm very sure that all of you ever met this person. They are the one that are popular in the class. Like they are able to make people to like them. Talking is their plus point. They are able to communicate effectively and generally bring a positive energy around. So, if you are a sanguine people, it is really easy for you to actually get a "special person" because people like to be with a person that are humorous and able to gives out positive energy. Common sense yeah

The downside are Sanguine person does not has a stable emotion. They can be crying on the morning, but happy as fuck in the afternoon. They also talk without think. Whatever comes out in their brain, they will blurt it out without knowing if it's even safe to said. Thus some people might be offended by this




Choleric
Choleric people have a leadership spirit within them. They are born as leader and have a strong charisma. One of their special traits is that they are decisive. You won't see a choleric person say "Up to you...". Born leader also means that they are extrovert, which means they are able to express their feeling. Another good things about choleric people, is that they are optimist. Now a man with choleric personality also can be considered easy to find a girlfriend. However, a choleric women might find it hard to find a boyfriend. This is because women like to be lead. And the choleric man just provided this to the woman. 

The downsides are often, choleric people don't have much friends. They thought that friends that are useless are just a hindrance for their goals. Carried it to the extreme, and they will labeled as "bossy"


Melancholy
Now we are going to the bottom of the totem pole in general. Melancholy IS NOT necessary at the bottom of the totem pole. I repeat, MELANCHOLY IS NOT THE BOTTOM OF TOTEM POLE. However it is the society that make this rule that melancholy is at the bottom of the totem pole. Melancholy is generally a person that like to think a lot. They think because they want to achieve a perfection. Which means, everything that they do must be perfect. And if they fail to achieve it, they got depressed. But the good thing is melancholy people usually are very smart and they want to achieve perfection.

One of the reason that they are at the bottom of the totem pole is because they are introvert. Which means that they prefer to work alone. Now this is completely fine. However, society thinks that if you are introvert then you are shy. Which i would say BULLSHIT. Shy by itself is scared of other people judgement. T

Phlegmatic
Similar with Melancholy, phlegmatic often considered as the bottom of the totem pole by society because of the same reason. I would have to say Fuck that again. Phlegmatic is an introverted, and observatory people in general. And again, society thought that this is a shy behavior and place it at the bottom of the pole. That's why I say "FUCK YOU SOCIETY FOR CREATING THIS RULE" The good thing about phlegmatic is that they are calm, easygoing, and able to take pressure. 
Best is some of phlegmatic person is all rounded. So they can have all personality inside them, though it will not be obvious.


Okay above, I have listed the personality type. Which one are yours?
Now if you have found it, DO NOT be embarrassed about it. Instead embrace it proudly...

First, I want to share my experience with all of you. I was born as a phlegmatic person. So what does that means? It means that I am an introverted, silent, and a lazy ass guy. My father is a melancholy and my mother is a choleric. So what happened here is that my mother always force me to be a leader and an extroverted guy. She always say" SPEAK SPEAK SPEAK" because I don't really talk a lot. Continuously, I became to see that every body should be a leader and a good person to talk with. For a long time, I started to behave like a sanguine and a choleric. I try to act funny, which in turn out to be goofy and dumb. I try to act like a leader but in the end, it looks more like a scaredy cat leader.
"Why is this happening" I thought. Am I a FAIL person? I can't be direct and I can't be a funny and fun to be with...
It is because of my REAL INNER personality is a phlegmatic. Phlegmatic have a "dry joke". So if I force myself to be like a sanguine which has a "Good Joke", it will looks really weird. That is why all the girls I've tried to date with from Junior High School reject me. Why? because they can tell that I'm FAKING.

Soon after that, I just realized that I should be myself to the extreme, which I posted it before. I accept my weakness that I'm a silent,lazy, and a dry humor guy. But I also accept my strength that I am an easy going, patience, and calm guy. I start to work from my weakness and did everything from http://orangepua.blogspot.sg/2012/08/be-your-self-to-extreme.html. Eventually, I get better at handling myself. For example, I have a dry humor up till now and when I say it, people will say I'am a retard. Now the me from before will be like depressed and "Fuck my humor is dry".. But now, I will still be confident about it... I will say whatever humor that I think is funny without think whether is it really funny. In the end, happiness is contagious. So if I laugh and happy with my own dry humor, people around me will laugh too.

Okay, the thing that I want to say is that, Be happy with what you have and work on your strength. You don't have to be jealous of what you don't have. Because we are unique and we have our own strength and weakness. That is why being yourself to the extreme is really really attractive. Heck, even being yourself itself is attractive. So don't try to be somebody that you are not to.