Why Am I Single?!

This is the topic that inspired to me by a lot of people from a lot of forums. I saw that some of them posted a question like "Why Am I Single?". And thus I'm inspired to make this topic in order to clears their doubt.

So the case is "I have money, I have a good body, I'm smart in my class, and every other positive things.... BUT why I'm single?"... And to answer that question, it comes down to your inner personality.

Not Being Comfortable
I do have a friend, he is quite handsome and tall. He is fashionable but the thing is, he is SINGLE. I wondered why. And to my surprise, he is actually has a low self esteem. He doesn't have confidence in himself, and the worst part is that he is insecure. He used to think "Damn, my hair is a mess, what if a girl see me in this condition?", even though his hair was actually fine. And when he talk to a girl, he is too self conscious on what's happening on him. He will tell me later "Fuck, I screwed up... I can see that she doesn't like me" or any other bullshit.

Now what does this tells you? He is not comfortable being himself. He wished that he could be more handsome so that girls will admired him. And when he thought that while talking to a girl, girl can sense it immediately. "This guy is nervous, why?" And this made the girl nervous too and therefore she won't feel comfortable and therefore she is not gonna date you.

Give Away All Your Power
This is the worst and most often mistakes that people did all the time. They want to make their future partner happy, therefore they give away all their power. Confusing?
Example,

Girl said "Hmm I wish I can eat a curry rice..."
Guy said "Ok wait 30 minutes"
And to surprise the girl, the guy will bring a curry rice imported from India and bring it to the front door of her house with extra rose.
Is this a gentleman things to do?
Yes!
Is this good for her impression?
Yes! .... only in Korean Drama!... The real life doesn't work like that.

Do this in real life and she will think of you as creepy and convenience. That is why "nice guy" always stuck at the friendzone because of this very reason. He treats girl like a goddess descend from the heaven. They write poem to them everyday, thinking that the girl's heart will surely melt because of his doing. But in reallity, it's counter productive because the girl will think you are creepy!

This thing will only make her felt convenience to be with you. She doesn't need to do anything to get something from you. Just say the word, and everything will be given to her. The guy doesn't felt like a challange at all...

So to close it, the reasons you are single even though you have wealth, fame, etc is because
1. You are not comfortable with your own skin
2. You give away all your power easily

A good example is actually has been there around you all the time.
Have you ever see a below average faced guy dating a Hot Tall Woman?

He doesn't get that hot tall woman because he is rich or because he is famous or because he hypnotized the girl. He get it because he is fucking comfortable with his own skin. He doesn't give all his power easily. He makes sure that if the girl did something for him, he can give his power in return.
In case of the above, the guy can actually said "Sure, I'll bring you a curry rice.... only if you make-out with me!"
To said the above word, you have to be comfortable with yourself first. And it let the girl know that she has to do something for you first in order to get your power.

Drop Your Ego

Does anybody know what does "Ego" means?

Ego in English Dictionary means "Identity". It is how people perceive you as a person. Rich people or Famous people said to have a big ego. Which means that they don't want to be seen as a "dumb" or "loser" or whatever that is bad. Why? Because they don't want their names to be ruined.

Now why do I said to drop your ego? If you are a person that have everything in your life and you are happy with it, then fine, keep your ego high, nobody cares about it anyway. But if you are not happy with your life, especially Love Life, then drop your ego!

Here's an example

You don't have any girlfriend and you are a student or a working adult. You saw this girl in the supermarket and she looks like the perfect girl for you. And the thought of "I wanna get to know her" pops up in your mind. If you don't drop your ego, you will think something like "Ohhh shit! I wanna get to know her But, there are so many people in the supermarket. What IF I was seen by my classmates? What IF the girl rejects me and people laugh at me?"

In the end, what did you get?
You get to masturbate thinking about her. Congrats!!!!

If you drop your ego and try to talk to the girl, you will have a chance to know her. Even if it's only 1%, isn't that worth it to drop your ego and talk to this girl?
What are the worst things that actually could happens?

1. She said "No thank you", you walk away and life goes on

2. You were seen by people but, they won't give a fuck about you

3. People laugh at you, but you are not gonna stick with them anyway

4. If a friend saw you, they will think you are a baws 

To be honest, what you need is only a single person that can accept you for who you are. Let's say you have 1% chance to success if you talk to a random cute girls. Mathematically, if you talk to 100 of girls, 1 of them is bound to like you for who you are. The question is, is that worth it?
You get rejected by 99 girls, but 1 out of  the 100 girls will totally love you for who you are.
Isn't that worth it to drop your ego and get rejected 99 times?

I'm not saying you should get rejected 99 times. What I'm saying is drop your ego and talk to the girls that you really like. Sooner or later you will find that perfect girl that loves you for who you are

Be Direct !!!

Time for the weekly updates!!! Today, I'm gonna talk about being Direct!
Being direct means Displaying Intention Clearly.
Let's take an example of you want to get to know this person.
By being direct you will be like "Heyyy, so I wanna get to know you!"

Now a lot of people questioned "Why should I be direct?", "Isn't that embarrassing?", and whatever you can think of. Now there are a lot of points on "Why should I be direct", and they are





Clear Doubts

The good things about being direct is that it clear your target's doubt.
Let's say you are in a class, and you see your "perfect target" and you wanna get to know him/her. The average joe will be like just sit at the corner, pretend they are like the coolest person on earth by being silent and not talking to anybody. And in the end, that average joe didn't get a chance at all to talk to his/her target.

The second case is the same as the above, but this time Mr.Joe try to sit next to her. And he's not being direct because he doesn't know what to say and he's trying to diffuse the awkwardness.
So he said something like "Umm... hey, can I borrow your pencil?".
She might give you the pencil but she will most likely thinks something like "What the Fuck does this guy needs a pencil for?"
In the end, she gave the pencil but that's it, because Mr.Joe comes from a place where he is not genuine about communication. Maybe he can still get close to his target, but it will take some times before his target genuinely wants to know him.

Last case, is still the same as above, but this time instead of asking "Can I borrow your pencil?" which is LAME, he is being direct by saying "Actually this is not my favorite chair, but you look really nice, so I gotta sit here to get to know you." You might think this is awkward at the first time, but Girls especially, like this. Furthermore, it clears her doubt of "Why the fuck does this guy sit next to me out of all the empty chair out there?"
She knows that you sit here so you can get to know her, so you can start genuine conversation directly. You can start by "What do you do for fun?" without her thinking "Why does he want to know that?"


Like a Baws
When you do direct, all girls will love it. Why? Because in their psychology, girls want to meet the "alpha male". A male that is confident and able to protect them. When you do direct, it shows to them that you are confident, you don't care what other people think of you, and you go for what you want. Therefore this traits are attractive to them. 



                                                                          Save Time

The most important point I would say. When you go direct, some girls will like you and some are just don't. Now think about it like this, let's say you go indirect, ask for "Can I borrow your pencil" or whatever topic you can think of. And you talk for 15 minutes, and after 15 minutes, you finally display your intention to her. You like her and you had to meet her. In the end she said something like "Ohhhh but I have a boyfriend.". How does it feels? Fuck... You talk with her for 15 minutes and in the end you get "I have a boyfriend" response.

Now think if you are going direct. You tell her your intention at the very first second you meet her. She gives you the "I have a boyfriend" response. So what now? You just have to walk away knowing that she is taken. Save 15 minutes of your life. And in that 15 minutes, you can actually meet maybe 2 - 3 more girls.

The Formula of LOVE

I didn't know why the hell this topic is still in my draft list. It should be posted around the beginning of the blog.... But like wise people says "There's no such things as Late". So I'll still post this anyway.

Love is the greatest thing that can happened to humans. Have you ever felt really happy, comfortable, and nervous all at the same time? Okay maybe not comfortable if you are nervous, but at least you feel like you want to be around that person at all times...
If your answer is "Yes", then congratulations, you just found somebody that you love.

So, here I want to explain to you how does love works. Have you ever really wonders "Why the hell did I fall in Love with that person?". "What makes me love him/her?".. To me, the answer is because they are able to make you felt these 2 elements together, "Attraction" and "Comfort". Both of these element is really essential for the love to works.

Missing any of these elements, then you will get a free ticket to the "Friendzone"... However, "friendzone" itself is not a bad things as long as you know how to comeback and it will be explained somewhere in the next next post

Attraction
What is attraction got to do with love? Attraction is like a "spark". Something like a magnet that make you feel you want to meet that person. Reason?? Because they are attractive. This meant that they are beautiful or they have this "special traits" that you are looking for. Let's say a celebrity,, she have a very cute face and a beautiful voice. And you really attracted to this person. Will you want to meet them? Fuck Yea!! Why? Because they are attractive.

So to conclude it, attraction is like the spark that make you want to meet this person again. Some of you might be good at sparking attraction because you are funny or because you are handsome or whatever. Then it is cool. You have it naturally. But some of you does not. That's okay because I will break it down on how to spark attraction.




Comfort

Does any of you have somebody that always listen to you whenever you want to share something? You feel sad and that person is always listening to your problem... How does it feels? Comfortable. It just feels that you can talk about anything to that person and vice versa.

Comfort is an important element in love because it makes you and your partner felt "warm" with each other. Love is made not only for having sex or fun, but also for sharing. The warm feeling that you felt when you are with this person is the best thing ever. And I would says Comfort plays the biggest role in Love. Without comfort, there's no way in hell that people would want to be near you. Sure you might be attractive, but if you can't makes a person that you want to be comfortable with you,, there's just no way they would fall in love with you (Unless The God of Luck is in your side). At least, without attraction but lots of comfort, you guys might still be friends. Rather than lots of attraction but without comfort, which might lead you only to acquaintances .

Know Your Personality

Hey guys, today I'm gonna talk to you about Personality. This topic actually should come first as a foundation for your inner personality. Why? Because by knowing your personality you will know how to handle yourself. You yourself should know what are your strengths and your weakness and work on this...

In terms of Skyrim, it's like you have a talent to assassinate using a bow. Instead of doing "Arrow to the Knee" which sounds not that cool, you wanna do "Axe to the head" because you saw other people using a BAD ASS AXE, you start to copy them in using axe. Now what is gonna happened here? You, as the main character are going to be FUCKED UP-SIDE DOWN... Reason? Simple, you try to do something that is not meant from your specialty.

Now I'm NOT saying you should not try something new. Instead try something new, if it doesn't work, leave it and try something new again. Until you find what suit you best. Still, it is better to knew what you good at from the beginning and work from there. It gives more time for you to improves on what you good at rather than start a "new game" from the beginning.


    

Okay, now on to the main topic

Before that, I strongly suggest that you read a book called "Personality Plus" by Florence Litauer. Here you will learn a LOT of important things about personality. Start from how people perceive things differently, how people react to certain things, and many more. Now for those of you who are lazy to read the book, that's okay because me the nice will tell you the basic of it. In this book, you will find out that humans are unique individuals. They all have different personality. However, out of all those differences, they can actually be put in groups.

 This group divide the 4 personality. They are :
-  Sanguine
-  Choleric
-  Melancholy
-  Phlegmatic
The question is, what the fuck does the personalities mean?


Sanguine

People with Sanguine personality generally are a popular peoples. I'm very sure that all of you ever met this person. They are the one that are popular in the class. Like they are able to make people to like them. Talking is their plus point. They are able to communicate effectively and generally bring a positive energy around. So, if you are a sanguine people, it is really easy for you to actually get a "special person" because people like to be with a person that are humorous and able to gives out positive energy. Common sense yeah

The downside are Sanguine person does not has a stable emotion. They can be crying on the morning, but happy as fuck in the afternoon. They also talk without think. Whatever comes out in their brain, they will blurt it out without knowing if it's even safe to said. Thus some people might be offended by this




Choleric
Choleric people have a leadership spirit within them. They are born as leader and have a strong charisma. One of their special traits is that they are decisive. You won't see a choleric person say "Up to you...". Born leader also means that they are extrovert, which means they are able to express their feeling. Another good things about choleric people, is that they are optimist. Now a man with choleric personality also can be considered easy to find a girlfriend. However, a choleric women might find it hard to find a boyfriend. This is because women like to be lead. And the choleric man just provided this to the woman. 

The downsides are often, choleric people don't have much friends. They thought that friends that are useless are just a hindrance for their goals. Carried it to the extreme, and they will labeled as "bossy"


Melancholy
Now we are going to the bottom of the totem pole in general. Melancholy IS NOT necessary at the bottom of the totem pole. I repeat, MELANCHOLY IS NOT THE BOTTOM OF TOTEM POLE. However it is the society that make this rule that melancholy is at the bottom of the totem pole. Melancholy is generally a person that like to think a lot. They think because they want to achieve a perfection. Which means, everything that they do must be perfect. And if they fail to achieve it, they got depressed. But the good thing is melancholy people usually are very smart and they want to achieve perfection.

One of the reason that they are at the bottom of the totem pole is because they are introvert. Which means that they prefer to work alone. Now this is completely fine. However, society thinks that if you are introvert then you are shy. Which i would say BULLSHIT. Shy by itself is scared of other people judgement. T

Phlegmatic
Similar with Melancholy, phlegmatic often considered as the bottom of the totem pole by society because of the same reason. I would have to say Fuck that again. Phlegmatic is an introverted, and observatory people in general. And again, society thought that this is a shy behavior and place it at the bottom of the pole. That's why I say "FUCK YOU SOCIETY FOR CREATING THIS RULE" The good thing about phlegmatic is that they are calm, easygoing, and able to take pressure. 
Best is some of phlegmatic person is all rounded. So they can have all personality inside them, though it will not be obvious.


Okay above, I have listed the personality type. Which one are yours?
Now if you have found it, DO NOT be embarrassed about it. Instead embrace it proudly...

First, I want to share my experience with all of you. I was born as a phlegmatic person. So what does that means? It means that I am an introverted, silent, and a lazy ass guy. My father is a melancholy and my mother is a choleric. So what happened here is that my mother always force me to be a leader and an extroverted guy. She always say" SPEAK SPEAK SPEAK" because I don't really talk a lot. Continuously, I became to see that every body should be a leader and a good person to talk with. For a long time, I started to behave like a sanguine and a choleric. I try to act funny, which in turn out to be goofy and dumb. I try to act like a leader but in the end, it looks more like a scaredy cat leader.
"Why is this happening" I thought. Am I a FAIL person? I can't be direct and I can't be a funny and fun to be with...
It is because of my REAL INNER personality is a phlegmatic. Phlegmatic have a "dry joke". So if I force myself to be like a sanguine which has a "Good Joke", it will looks really weird. That is why all the girls I've tried to date with from Junior High School reject me. Why? because they can tell that I'm FAKING.

Soon after that, I just realized that I should be myself to the extreme, which I posted it before. I accept my weakness that I'm a silent,lazy, and a dry humor guy. But I also accept my strength that I am an easy going, patience, and calm guy. I start to work from my weakness and did everything from http://orangepua.blogspot.sg/2012/08/be-your-self-to-extreme.html. Eventually, I get better at handling myself. For example, I have a dry humor up till now and when I say it, people will say I'am a retard. Now the me from before will be like depressed and "Fuck my humor is dry".. But now, I will still be confident about it... I will say whatever humor that I think is funny without think whether is it really funny. In the end, happiness is contagious. So if I laugh and happy with my own dry humor, people around me will laugh too.

Okay, the thing that I want to say is that, Be happy with what you have and work on your strength. You don't have to be jealous of what you don't have. Because we are unique and we have our own strength and weakness. That is why being yourself to the extreme is really really attractive. Heck, even being yourself itself is attractive. So don't try to be somebody that you are not to.

How to make Comfort?!

Now that you know what is comfort, I'm sure that you know or at least have a bit understanding of how to create it... Well it does not matter whether you do or you don't. Because I'm about to tell you anyway. So in the previous post, I told you about how important it is to have a comfort. Because without it, you will be like a television. Fun but useless.

Here are some way to make a comfort

Genuine Communication

Remember that I told you that girls can sense whether you are faking or not? If you are faking, you will be labelled as a weirdo because she knew that you are insecure. Why would you even faking if you are comfortable with yourself? Anyway the same goes with communication. If you ask or tell something that you are not genuinely interested in, she will know it immediately. 

Let's take an example of this, you like Spiderman, and you want to know whether she likes spiderman too. But you scared that she might "brands" you as a weirdo or a kid. So instead, you ask something that makes you look like an adult. Such as "What course are you studying?"....

And when you get the answer, you will be like "Ohhh.. ok" and change to another topic. "What is your favorite food?"... 
And she give you the answer again and you will be like "ok" again. 
And change it to another topic again and so on until she get pissed off and tell you to fuck off.

It might looks simple and not important, but genuine communication is really really a way to build a comfort. So that is why, ALWAYS ASK A QUESTION THAT YOU ARE GENUINELY WANT TO KNOW. It makes her feel like you really want to know her and therefore it creates a bond between the two of you.

Dig in the same hole

Ok, fuck you, do not think this is like "that" hole!!! What I meant by this is try to get to know her deeper by deep communication. And it is REALLY important. 

Here's example number one

"So what do you do for fun?"

"Fishing"

"Ok, cool. So what is your course study?"

"Arts"

"Alright, what is your favorite bread?"

"Bread Talk"

And here's example number two

"So what do you do for fun?"

"Fishing"

"Ok, tell me, is that your hobby or out of boredom"?

"Well it's kinda like my hobby"

"Great, since when do you fishing?"

"Since I was a baby"

"Cool, you must be an aquatic baby LOL"

Okay forget the aquatic baby part, I don't even know what the hell is that. But do you get the differences between the first and the second example? 

The first example is simply just shooting her with a lot of nonsense conversation, and it does not have any point at all. You know a bunch of layer deep information about her. So What??! It does not make you know anything from her. 

The second example, on the other hand ask a root deep question. And by doing this, it creates a subconscious mind inside her that said "Hmm, this guy understands me". Therefore you get a bond with her and therefore she will feel comfortable with you.

So the next time you talk to a person, don't just shoot them with tons of random questions. Instead elaborate their statements and ask from there.

In conclusion, the two on top are about the same. But you can't do a deep communication without genuine communication. If you are not interested in what you are talking about, how can you think of elaborating it... That is why always ask a genuine question and deepen it by deeper communication

What is Comfort?!

The question is, "Is attraction alone enough?" Have you ever think about this question? Some of you might think it is enough, some of you might think it is not. Well to me, the answer is NO...

First of all, let's talk about what is comfort. Have you ever felt like "Ohh this person understands me" or "I felt like I can talk anything to this person"... If you do, then that is comfort. Basically, it is a feeling of comfortable (DUHHH..) of being with somebody...

If you have a friend, and you felt like you can talk about anything to your friend, it means that you are comfortable with them. It does not matter, whether your friend is a guy or a girl. The point is, if you are able to talk or share anything with them, that is Comfort.

Without comfort, you are just like a clown, dancing around just for the sake of entertaining people. Let's take an example of this. You are going to some random mall, and you met a clown. He is able to make you laugh, get your attention, and you are just happy for that day. Get it? Now what do you think of that? Most of you, will think like "Ohh what a nice clown he is"... But, will you want to go out with him? Probably NO... Why? Because even though he is attractive, there is no point in going out with him BECAUSE he does not know anything about you. Will you share your problem with him? Heck NO, you just met him...

To sum it up, without comfort, you will be the dancing monkey because you will just be there to entertain her. You won't be able to going out with her because she does not know you. In other word, you are Fucked... Therefore, I'm here to teach you how to create a comfort between the both of you in my next post